


ebb and flow

by jokbal



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Cheating, F/F, adults making questionable decisions, kim lip has bad taste in alcoholic beverages, yves and jinsoul are married
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-07 23:22:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21466207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jokbal/pseuds/jokbal
Summary: jinsol goes on a trip
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul, Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Comments: 16
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

“you’re the one who set fire to this bridge.” the thick stack of paper hits the coffee table with a solid thwack. “is it really my responsibility to put it out?”

jinsol’s mouth cracks open as if to retort, but she can’t do anything but stare blankly at what sooyoung has just thrown in front of her; eyes glazing over as she recalls the events of the past several months. 

\--

“oh! perfect timing, i'm almost done with dinner!” 

sooyoung trudges through the door and makes a beeline for the kitchen, shuffling over to peer into a pot of seafood stew bubbling over the stove and with the last of her energy, lean into the cozy warmth of her wife. jinsol wheels around to plant a kiss on her forehead and shoos her away so she can add a final handful of minced cilantro. 

“so i was thinking, i just sent the paper off for review so i have some time, and now that the weather is finally warming up, we can go on a trip together! we don’t have to go too far but it’d be nice to get out and enjoy ourselves. ive been looking at some condos and i found one with a good view that isn’t too expensive.”

downing mouthful after mouthful of soup as if her life depended on it, sooyoung’s brain is still in work-mode and as she calculates another way to convince her client to consider a secondary strategy, the only thing she says in response to jinsol’s suggestion is “i don’t think this case is going to be over for another several months.” with that, she abruptly stands to go wash her dishes and make her way to their bathroom to shower, leaving jinsol at the table, the soup in her bowl growing steadily colder. 

“i guess work is really taking a toll on her,” jinsol sighs to herself while packing away the leftovers. she waits for sooyoung to finish showering and flips open her laptop to begin browsing through rental listings once more.

“maybe i can just go by myself then? i won’t get a response about the report for at least another month or so, and by then, haseul will have put me on another project, so i might as well take this chance now,” she reasons, punching in the digits of their shared designated travel credit card into the online booking site. “maybe i can use this chance to scout some good places for us to visit when sooyoung’s case finally closes. oh, we also get double points at this place too!”

and with that, she crawls into bed, wrapping herself over her wife, who had promptly fallen into an exhaustion-induced slumber. her nose brushes into sooyoung’s damp hair and she makes a mental note to remind her in the morning that it isn’t good to sleep without having dried her hair.

—

they wake up, as usual, to a blaring alarm set for 6:55am, and each drags herself out of bed. every morning they share a simple breakfast and prepare for their days in tandem. on their walk to the subway station, jinsol playfully nags sooyoung about sleeping with wet hair, which, is astonishingly straight regardless, and a flawless jet-black, but she chooses to muss it up for fun. 

“so you know that thing i said last night,” jinsol begins as they tap into the station, “about going on a trip?”

“mm? what about it? i told you, i don’t have much time to go anywhere right now.”

“i booked a place for myself for next saturday.”

“oh. well, um...”

“don’t worry, i’ll only be gone for five days,” she says, reaching out to place a hand on sooyoung’s arm, “but i wanted to get out and explore while i have the time. besides, i’m not going too far away; just the city over, and we can always plan something longer together for when work finally settles down a bit.”

“ah, okay,” sooyoung replies, thoughts still clouded with a tired fog but she tries her best to process what her wife has told her about this sudden trip. “yeah, you— you should go and have fun.”

“--train arriving on platform two. please stand clear of the doors.”

“ah, gotta go. we can talk more about it when you get home.” jinsol pulls sooyoung in for a brief kiss and darts into the nearest train car.

—

she can viscerally feel the tinniness of the shitty speaker system, but continues to lazily lap at her third margarita. jinsol puts her head down on the counter; resting in the crook of her right arm. Using her free hand, she drags a fingertip across the edge and watches the twinkling of salt grains as they are unceremoniously pushed off the rim. the glint off her wedding ring catches her eye, and although the alcohol has fogged up the rest of her thoughts, sooyoung stands in the middle of the haze. clear and bright as always.

oh sooyoung. busy, busy sooyoung. why does she have so many things to do all the time? she should’ve just gotten married to her job, huh. why string jinsol along for the past five years: first, as a charismatic law student, and now an overworked lackey for a giant firm. well, at least the job pays handsomely. and, if she’s being honest, being able to watch sooyoung chase her dreams has been one of the most rewarding things about being with her, but jinsol can’t stop herself from thinking about what they had before. 

the “poff” of deflating vinyl-wrapped upholstery foam interrupts her thoughts as someone takes the seat to her right.

“ill have a dirty martini,” the stranger says, “oh, and with triple brine. thanks.”

“triple brine? that sounds disgusting… who the hell _ does _ that? but why does it sound so familiar?” jinsol sits up and looks over, trying to jog her memory. 

“jungeun?!” 

jungeun nearly spits out her drink. “jinsol?!” 

“how’ve you been!” she swipes her surprise onto the sleeve of her leather jacket and wraps her arm around jinsol’s slouched shoulders. “you really haven’t changed, have you!”

“oh y’know, the usual. other than sooyoung getting so busy that we can’t take vacations, it’s been mostly the same”

“sorry i stopped contacting you,” jungeun shifts in her seat and retracts her arm to take a sip of her drink. “it was just… a bit awkward for me after you started working for my ex.”

“ah yeah. no worries. how long has it been, 5 years now?”

“since haseul and i broke up? yeah”

“sorry about that…”

“ah, it’s just water under the bridge now. don’t worry about it.”

jungeun downs the rest of the martini in one gulp. “isn’t this bar kinda far for you? where’s sooyoung?”

“she’s been really busy since getting this new job, and i happened to have some time off so i thought it’d be nice to get out for a bit. go see the ocean, y’know.”

“you’ve always been drawn to the sea, haven’t you.”

jungeun suddenly jolts up. “could i get another martini please, and a uhhh…,” she asks, stealing a glance at jinsol’s empty glass and the bar counter, riddled with stray salt and a dessicated lime, “a margarita.” she playfully jostles jinsol’s shoulder. “this one’s on me,” she winks.

as the two of them catch up and reminisce about their college days, they somehow make the switch from cocktails to taking shots. normally jinsol wouldn’t drink this much when she’s in an unfamiliar environment, but with jungeun being there, she has at least three more, but hey, who’s counting? 

“i just feel like she isn’t there anymore, y’know? like i see her everyday, and we go to sleep together and commute together and eat meals together, but it’s like her mind is still in the office.”

“yeesh, that’s gotta be rough. it’s been how long now?”

“a little over a year now, i think… i mean, it’s really admirable, seeing everything fall into place for her, and it’s been her dream since way before we even met, but i can’t help feeling like i’ve been sidelined for her job…” jinsol rests her head in her palms and sighs deeply. 

jungeun pats her back and softly rubs circles into it to try and comfort her. 

“hey, the beach isn’t too far from here. wanna take a walk?”

—

“AGH! IT’S STILL SO FUCKING COLD!”

“IT’S BARELY EVEN SPRING, OF COURSE IT IS!”

it’s pitch black but jinsol and jungeun have found themselves along the surf, pant legs rolled up and hair whipping around in the salty spray. over the course of the past half hour or so, they made their way, by some miracle, to the strip of beach that flanked jinsol’s condo. with the scent of the sea filling their lungs, the thrill of reforging an old bond, and probably enough alcohol to fell a horse, they grip each other’s hands, knuckles turning white in the stinging cold, and swing vigorously; excited to be reunited for the first time in several years. when the chill of the air grows too much, they untangle to tuck their hands in the safety of their pants pockets. 

“AHH!”

_ SPLASH! _

having heard the feral scream from behind her, jinsol whips around. “_ OH MY GOD _ ARE YOU OKAY,” she yells, several more decibels than a sober person would.

she finds jungeun recovering from having face-planted into the sandy surf. jinsol pulls jungeun up from the ground and gently brushes, as best she can, scraps of kelp and sand from her friend’s face and hair. 

“let’s get you cleaned up.”

taking jungeun by the hand once more, she guides them back to her rental unit. they teeter their way across the soft sand and try not to fall again— more difficult than one would expect, but in their defense, their individual BAC’s are still far past any reasonable level. after the five attempts it takes jinsol to insert her key, they finally make it inside and collapse at the foot of the single queen bed. 

wordlessly, jinsol helps jungeun out of her seemingly fifty pounds of waterlogged leather jacket and it falls to the floor with a grunt. there’s enough of a gap between them that jinsol can only barely feel the faint touch of jungeun’s breath on her skin. jungeun places a hand on jinsol’s arm and an electric fire arcs out from the point of contact.

thirteen months. it’s been thirteen months since sooyoung was swallowed by the corporate beast. thirteen months since the little flame inside jinsol was fanned by another person, and, as if fresh kindling were just fed to it, it’s now grown large; tendrils of heat creeping up and into jinsol’s chest and throat, the smoke clouding her eyes. in the midst of reaching for another stray piece of seaweed, she hesitates for a second along the tip of jungeun’s ear. jungeun feels the warmth from jinsol’s palm spread through her face and takes the opportunity to lean in, breaking the cushion of air between their lips. 

as if electrocuted, jinsol recoils on contact.

“i- i can’t.” her hands fall limply to her sides. she begins to rise but jungeun shoots out and grabs her hand. 

“hey, hey, it’s alright,” jungeun murmurs, gently drawing circles with her thumb, “you seemed tense, is all.”

a million instances of sooyoung simultaneously ricochet within jinsol’s skull. “no— i mean—,” she sputters, “it’s not that i’m _ not _, but— .“ like a marionette whose strings were cut, she crumples back to the floor with defeat. sooyoung, however, only serves to further fan her flames and its thick smoke obscures her vision. she lets out a small but wistful sigh, and rapidly closes the gap as jungeun did, pushing into a yielding softness.

jungeun finds her back to the floor and their faces enshrouded in a curtain of white gold. she returns the favor with a hunger and reaches up to cup the base of jinsol’s skull. jinsol breaks the kiss with a yelp as jungeun’s cold free hand snakes over her butt up the back of her shirt.

with the now ample breathing room, jungeun takes the chance to sit up and begin to strip off her soaked jeans. jinsol is too focused on what’s hidden underneath to help her and watches absently as jungeun’s drunken coordination fighting against cold, sticky denim makes for quite an un-sexy show. with a couple of grunts and a scattering of loose sand, she stands up, in plain red cotton underwear, and damp white t-shirt; rumpled, clinging to her skin, and hinting at black on white underneath. now that she's shaken off most of the sand and kelp, she clambers onto the bed, jinsol's eyes tracing every move.

“come keep me warm” she beckons.

jinsol hurriedly peels off her ultramarine cardigan and joins her on the once crease-less duvet. with both hands, jungeun pulls her in by the jaw into a kiss that says “_ i want you _ ” and she reciprocates with a force that says “ _ i need you _”. 

—

it’s 10:15am saturday, and jinsol unlocks the door to her bungalow with thirty tons of apprehension. ever since she checked out of the condo, she’s been bombarded by her rapid-fire calculations for an infinite number of outcomes for what she’d be returning home to. home may be where the heart is, but jinsol thinks that she might’ve lost track of the address.

the warmth of buttered toast and apple jam wafts through the rooms as jinsol shuffles in to deposit her rolling suitcase with a _ clack _. 

“sooyoung?” she calls into the expanse of the house.

“mmm?”

sooyoung swivels around in the wooden dining room chair, mouth too stuffed with toast for her to say anything more. her hair is in a lazy bun and she wears jinsol’s banana print pajama pants and a loose-fitting free t-shirt from a local half-marathon. taking a sip of tea, she washes down the toast and stands to greet her wife with a kiss.

“have you eaten? do you want some toast?”

“sure.”

jinsol notes the dark circles under sooyoung’s eyes. another long week at work. a twinge of guilt pricks her at the thought of her hard-working wife returning to an empty home after a long day. in the same breath, jungeun appears. she tries to block out that night, and the one after, and the one after that, and instead decides to press her self against sooyoung’s back, wrapping her arms around her for comfort. 

“how was your trip,” sooyoung asks as she slices off a thick hunk of pillowy bread to pop into the toaster oven.

“it was good, i spent a lot of time on the beach,” jinsol attempts to keep it just vague enough to not incite further digging into what other things she was up to. “if your workload shrinks at all over the summer it’d be nice to go together.” she rests her chin on sooyoung’s shoulder and lets her hair cascade over, nearly dipping into the open jar of apple jam.

“hmm… i’d have to look into it, but at this rate we might not be done until october.”

the toaster oven bell breaks the conversation and sooyoung lathers salted butter and chunky jam across the caramelized surface of the bread. 

“here.”

instead of taking the toast with her hands, jinsol leans over and takes a large bite. the crisp crust shatters into the bread’s cushiony interior and her mouth floods with a sweet-salty swirl. 

“oh my god, you _ always _ know how to pair flavors. i wish we could eat your cooking more often…”

“as soon as i get a break i’ll cook you a five course meal,” sooyoung chuckles, planting a tender kiss on her wife’s forehead, “you don’t do so badly yourself.” she retreats to the dining table to sit down while jinsol stands in the kitchen, inhaling the rest of her breakfast.

—

she spots jungeun through the crowd. she has her signature oversized acid wash denim jacket on (jinsol could recognize that thing anywhere), a small glass of something with lime in one hand, and is chatting with a couple of people who also look like they could be in photography circles. it’s her first time being invited to a gallery opening and jinsol needs a couple more drinks in her system to feel comfortable. she’s always been one to lean towards the sciences rather than the arts, but jungeun said that her work would be in the show, so, screw it. 

there are eight artists on display tonight and their subjects vary from scenes of factories in disrepair to people standing in fields. jungeun’s work focuses on the juxtaposition of man-made structures and nature growing in and around it. jinsol isn’t really sure how to feel about it, but a discarded toy robot sitting in the grass in one of the photos catches her eye.

“hey jinsol!” jungeun throws her arm over jinsol’s shoulder once again. “you look really uncomfortable.” her electric laugh cuts through the awkwardness. “here, drink this.” she hands jinsol whatever clear drink she has with her. 

with a gulp, jinsol discovers that it’s tequila. hot vapor floats up her throat and into her sinuses as she hands the glass back to jungeun. 

jungeun slides her hand down between jinsol’s shoulder blades and guides her to the gallery’s courtyard for a breather. the crisp spring air is a welcome change from the stifling heat of the main hall.

“so, what’d you think?”

“awful, but i need another.”

jungeun bursts out in laughter. “i meant the show.”

“oh, yeah it was alright. i don’t think i really _ get _ any of it, you know what i mean?”

“yeah don’t worry about it. just wanted to show you a bit of what i do, is all,” she smiles. “i mean- this is all personal stuff. you might’ve seen some of my work work stuff in c*smo or el*e magazines. fashion puts food on the table.”

“i don’t subscribe, but i’ll take a look next time im grocery shopping. oh, i think sooyoung might have a copy in the bathroom.”

“she’s always been stylish hasn’t she. ah, let’s get you another drink. what’re you in the mood for?”

another rolling wave of guilt washes over jinsol. here she is again, having fun while her wife lies at home, exhausted. spending time with the woman she had an affair with. _ enjoying it _.

“do they have any white wine?” but she can’t help herself. 

—

“_ah!_ _shit!_ _ohmygod!”_

once again, jinsol finds herself breathing staccato into jungeun’s neck. it’s a little past midnight and all but a few of the guests have finally wandered out. it’s jungeun’s responsibility to lock up tonight so jinsol stays late to help tidy up, but here they are: jinsol sitting on jungeun’s lap while they occupy the only bathroom on the property.

the single yellow light looks like its about to fizzle out any second now, the room is cramped and smells a bit sour, and her back is about to freeze off without a shirt on, but it doesn’t matter. her fists are tangled in jungeun’s hair and are straining to anchor her. if she doesn’t grab onto something, she might drift off and not find her way back.

jinsol has work tomorrow, but jungeun, two fingers deep, is worth enduring any amount of haseul’s scolding for. she clenches hard and softly whines into chestnut hair upon finding herself suddenly empty.

while nibbling on an earlobe, jungeun finds jinsol’s bra and hikes it up, toying with the sensitivity that lies beneath.

_ “ah!” _ at this point, there isn’t anything jinsol can do but grab hold for dear life. it’s both surprising, and not, how jungeun has her wrapped around her finger(s) so easily— almost laughably so.

jungeun’s mouth migrates down to jinsol’s neck and she lightly rakes her teeth over the surface before latching on.

“w- wait! don’t,” jinsol calls out, voice punctuated with breaths, “please. don’t leave a mark...”

“as you wish.” jungeun shifts her attention back to her ears and slides a free hand back down between jinsol’s legs and gently strokes a couple of times, revelling in each twitch and jerk, before slipping back in.

maybe it’s jungeun’s deft hands and her desperate need for release that has her grinding harder and harder, tightening around those skilled fingers when they beckon for her. maybe it’s that she replaces jungeun with an image of sooyoung that has her coming so hard she sees white. maybe it’s the combination of want and feeling wanted that keeps her there for another hour. 

  
\--  
  


“are you ready to go,” sooyoung shouts from the foyer. she took her time primping tonight and has her favorite single breasted burgundy wool coat on and garnet apple earrings to match.

“just a second! i can’t find my bag!” they’re running late for their reservation, but jinsol can’t stop herself from smiling. 

sooyoung’s had a lighter week and the two have decided to go out for dinner for a change of pace. they settled on a contemporary italian restaurant a bit of a ways away, but it has good reviews and is a welcome treat to close off the work week. 

their routine for eating out is that jinsol drives there and back but sooyoung ordres everything, because if she doesn’t, jinsol will nibble away until it becomes apparent that they might as well have ordered two of the same thing. dessert is _ always _ a yes, as are drinks, which they each order their own of. 

“we have a reservation under the name ‘sooyoung’.”

“right this way please.”

the overhead lighting is dim, but the candle on the table illuminates their faces. as sooyoung studies the menu, jinsol studies sooyoung; eyes soaking in every little inch of her wife in the warm light of the flame. 

moments like these were exactly what she’s been craving. a chance to get sooyoung all to herself. no work thoughts (well, maybe a little) to get in the way, no calls from haseul asking her to come back to the office, just the two of them absorbing each other. 

“what can i get for you lovely ladies tonight?”

they both visibly wince before sooyoung begins to order. “we’ll have the carpaccio to start, and then the pasta al limone and seared scallops. i’ll also take a glass of your best white burgundy.”

“and i’ll have the 2014 chenin blanc.”

“alright, your orders will be arriving shortly.”

their drinks, appetizer, and a basket of assorted fresh rolls and butter arrives at the table and they dig in. 

“so,” sooyoung finishes chewing her raw beef before continuing, “who’s this photographer you went to see on sunday?”

“mmh,” jinsol grunts in acknowledgement. her mouth is stuffed with oil and vinegar-soaked bread. “she’s a friend of mine from college. jungeun? she was going out with haseul when we were seniors. part of the physics department.”

“huh, doesn’t sound familiar. maybe if i see her face i’d remember.”

“maybe one of these days. anyways, i didn’t really get her work. it was all personal stuff though. she told me that she did a recent celebrity shoot for e*le magazine.”

“oh she does fashion photography as well? maybe we _ should _ meet. she might know some celebrities personally,” sooyoung laughs, “what if she knows _ s*nmi _?”

“didn’t she retire a couple years ago? i can ask though,” jinsol plays along. for as long as she can remember, sooyoung has been obsessed with s*nmi, even willing to skip a couple days of class during law school so she could drive five hours out to attend a concert. even now, her idolatry hasn’t waned, even if the one she worships isn’t in the spotlight anymore. 

they steadily munch their way through dinner and are about ready to request the dessert menu when s*nmi’s song “gashina” starts playing through sooyoung’s bag. 

she fishes out her phone and promptly answers after registering the caller ID. “hello? yes, mhm… yeah, i’m eating dinner right now, but I can be over in about an hour or so.”

jinsol tries not to look disappointed when she hangs up.

“do they need you in the office?”

“yeah,” sooyoung reaches across the table to hold jinsol’s hand, “they want me to compile some documents before they go talk to a witness later.”

jinsol downs the rest of her wine in one gulp, planting the glass back on the table more firmly than necessary. 

“i’m sorry, babe. i’ll try to see if i can move things in my schedule so we can go out again next weekend.”

“it’s- it’s okay. i understand that you’re busy.” she raises her hand to ask for the bill. 

“oh, did you want a dessert to go?”

“no. it’ll get weird on the drive home.”

on the walk out to the car, sooyoung clings to her wife’s arm more tightly than usual. wordlessly, they get in, both reaching over to turn on their seat warmers. 

“if they’re just looking for someone to sort papers, why couldn’t they pick someone else?” jinsol starts the car but doesn’t put it into reverse. the fine leather surface squeaks as her grip on the steering wheel tightens.

“jinsol…” sooyoung leans over to brush the back of her hand over jinsol’s cheek. “you _ know _ how hierarchical this field is,” she says softly. “it’s been a little over a year now, but i’m really just getting started.”

“i know, i know this job is an important first step in your career.” her eyes glisten with defeat as she stares blankly out the windshield at the cinderblock parking lot wall in front of them. “you don’t have to keep reminding me.”

the drive home is silent.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year

“ugh dude, what do i  _ do _ ?” sooyoung complains as she flops on her back onto the slate grey twin bed. 

“oh my god, what did you get yourself into now.” 

“oh shut up, hyejoo it’s not like that... it’s this girl… she’s  _ so stunning _ , like, i’ve never seen a girl this beautiful before.”

“excuse me?? you say this about  _ every _ girl.”

“yes, yes, because all women are queens, but she’s like… the  _ queen _ of queens.”

hyejoo violently smashes a pillow into sooyoung’s face.

a muffled shout cuts through the pillow stuffing. “just hear me out!”

“ugh, okay,” her eyes rolling so far back into her skull that they nearly do a 360, “tell me about this ‘queen of queens’.”

sooyoung bolts up as if she were hit with a defibrillator and clamps her hands onto hyejoo’s shoulders. her eyes sparkle with the shine of a woman unhinged. “okay, so y’know how i’m taking linear algebra so i can get that last required credit out of the way? well the TA for this class is  _ so _ hot, i forgot my times tables during the lecture.”

“i take it back. stop talking.” she plucks each of sooyoung’s hands off her shoulders with disgust. “jiwoo! can you  _ please _ calm your gayass roommate down so i don’t have an aneurism.”

having heard her name, jiwoo perks up from her spot on the beanbag at the other corner of the room and gently removes her over-ear headphones. “what’s going on?”

“your roommate has crazy heart-eyes for her new math TA and is losing brain cells because of it.”

“HEY!”

“what, am i wrong? and anyways, what’s even the problem? why don’t you just ask her out or something?” 

“ _ just  _ ask her out? are you kidding me?!” she flops back onto the mattress, long black hair spilling out in a circle around her face.

“uh, yes?” hyejoo shoots her a glare that screams “ _ are you a dumbass?! _ ”. 

“how do i even know she’s interested in girls!”

“has that  _ ever _ stopped you before?!” hyejoo bites back, and absentmindedly picks at her cuticles, wishing that she were alone right now, unwinding with a videogame and  _ not _ listening to her upperclassman swoon over some rando. “don’t even get me started on those girls back in high school.”

sooyoung’s mouth forms a massive O to retort, but is cut short by her roommate.

“oh! isn’t there a house party this weekend? there’s a chance she might show up to that!”

it appears that sooyoung’s brain cells are still functional, because she quickly equates house party to going out with this hot TA, and springs up again. “oh my god. we  _ have _ to go!” she dashes over to jiwoo to give her a hug for her suggestion.

“great. have fun at this party,” hyejoo spits. “now please get out of my room before i catch some kind of disease from you. i have a morning class tomorrow!” 

“H—!”

“oh, it  _ is _ getting kinda late. sooyoung, we should head home.” and with that, jiwoo packs her bag and latches onto sooyoung’s arm with a superhuman strength and drags her towards the door. they wave their goodbyes (sooyoung albeit indignantly) and head home.

it’s not quite fall yet, and the muggy september air doesn’t do anything to calm sooyoung down. 

“so who’s this hot TA,  _ hmmmmm _ ?” jiwoo inquires as they make their way back, all the while elbowing sooyoung.

“oh. my. god.” sooyoung nearly stops in her tracks as every neuron in her brain turns its focus to this very, very pretty girl she saw today. “so her name is jinsol, she’s the same year as me, and is studying mechanical engineering.”

“jinsol? isn’t she the girl that almost backed a car into figure skating superstar and vancouver olympic gold medalist yuna kim?”

sooyoung’s face goes blank while her brain buffers, remembering  _ that _ incident and registering that it was indeed this hot TA of hers— sooyoung had been coincidentally walking down the same alleyway as the esteemed athlete when a white sedan suddenly barrelled into view, causing everyone (sooyoung, yuna kim, and yuna kim’s fans) to jump. nobody was hurt, but jinsol jumped out of the car and dashed over to apologize profusely, while simultaneously getting threats from the surrounding crowd of fans. 

“oh hmm. i must’ve never heard of that,” she replies, shaking her head. 

“huh, i thought everyone knew about it!”

with a jangle of keys and the click of a lock, sooyoung and jiwoo arrive at their shared one bedroom apartment. it was the best they could find for the value, and besides being a bit cramped, there wasn’t much to complain about. they had been roommates since the year before and were already familiar with each other’s living habits.

as jiwoo changes into pajamas and brushes her teeth, sooyoung is busy organizing the day’s handouts, fliers, and first-week-back-to-school miscellany.

“hey sooyoung?”

“hmm?”

“when you end up bringing that girl home this weekend could you… give me advance notice?”

sooyoung’s paper shuffling comes to a sudden halt. “who said i—,” she pauses, “okay. yes. i’ll try my best to, at the very least, send you text.”

“thanks,” jiwoo replies, worming into her strawberry-print sheets.

“sorry about… last time… and the times before that.”

she gets a soft laugh in response as jiwoo shifts around to get comfortable in bed.

—

it’s nearly 10pm and sooyoung peels open another package of menthol patches to apply to her stiff neck. it’s become somewhat of a signature scent of hers, and at this point, she wears so many that her coworkers can smell her from down the hall. as she puts the rest of the box back into her desk drawer, her line of sight catches a small framed photo of her and jinsol on their honeymoon. 

it was early may when they had their ceremony and late may when they took off for their half month honeymoon. the two of them had planned it so that the trip would kick off with sooyoung’s birthday, and conclude with jinsol’s a few weeks later.

sooyoung reaches out to pick up the photo. it brings a smile to her face, seeing the two of them enjoying themselves as memories of their trip flood back. they almost missed their flight because they had forgotten their passports at home and jinsol got food poisoning from a raw oyster, but sooyoung can only think fondly about what had happened. their first overseas trip together. 

she sighs. the weather has warmed lately, and in a couple of weeks it’ll be their fourth anniversary as a married couple. 

instead of going over another file, she closes the cream-colored folder and tucks it into its designated marked envelope. she grabs a sticky note to scribble “ _ beg vivi for time off _ ” before pulling on her wool blazer, plucking her cream leather bag from where it’s perched on her chair, and heading towards the elevator.

back at home, her dinner sits on the kitchen table; its temperature has reached equilibrium with the room, but it’s pre-portioned for her in a lidded storage container.

—

pounding music, compounded with coarse chatter, is ear splitting and somehow doesn’t change volume no matter what room she’s in. the floor is littered with stray cups, cans, and students. sooyoung heads straight for the kitchen, where containers of various alcoholic beverages are piled up in disorderly heaps.

she grabs a silver can, cracks it open, and takes a long draught. after grazing on just enough snacks to ease the alcohol, she grabs another drink and goes off to survey the rest of the party.

a mix of students and debris are interspersed throughout every room but she catches a glint of gold out of the corner of her eye. although the light is dim and the student’s face is obscured by a veil of hair, she’s sure it’s her.

jinsol has made herself comfortable on a forest green couch in the space that was once considered the living room. she’s chatting with some brown-haired girl in a well-worn denim jacket and they appear to be having a good time. she goes to take another sip from her bottle but gets up when she realizes its empty.

sooyoung takes the free moment to break the ice.

“hey— “

“if you’re about to ask if i was the girl who almost ran over one of the greatest figure skaters of the entire sport, yes.  _ it’s me _ ,” jinsol interjects with a huff, whipping around to make eye contact with sooyoung, hair nearly smacking her across the face.

“woah, okay. i was definitely  _ not _ about to ask that, but good to know.” she holds up her hands as if she were under arrest.

“oh, okay.” jinsol visibly relaxes.

“i picked up this extra drink earlier in case i needed more booze to make this party tolerable, but it sounds like  _ you _ could use really use it.” she holds out the can as a peace offering.

jinsol takes the can, immediately popping the top and downing the entire thing in one go.

“thanks,” she says, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand.

sooyoung looks at her like she’s about to risk it all.

—

“so… it’s going to be our anniversary again soon,” sooyoung announces while washing a bowl of fresh cherries.

“mhm?” jinsol acknowledges from the dining table where she’s flipping through a stray magazine.

“i uh, managed to get a few days off and…” 

jinsol’s eyes nearly bug out of her head as she chokes on her orange juice. “you what?” she asks in a strained voice, and hastily mops up any splatter.

“y-yeah vivi let me take that week off. i didn’t take any time off last year so i didn’t even have to grovel at her feet for it.” she pops a cherry in her mouth and watches curiously as the gears turn in her wife’s head. “it’s a little late to go anywhere but it might be nice just to just take it easy for a bit.”

in retrospect, she should’ve probably asked jinsol if she wanted to do anything special for their anniversary so they could make any necessary arrangements, but she figured that a little surprise wouldn’t hurt. last year they couldn’t do anything special except go out for a nice dinner because it had been around the time that sooyoung got her promotion and became swamped in work. 

having limited time to spend with her wife and getting interrupted in the middle of their outings by workplace responsibilities caused a growing cloud of guilt to loom over her shoulder. this gnawing, persistent guilt was amplified by her ever-growing burnout so it was quite opportune that their anniversary happened to be on the horizon. what better way for her to recharge her battery than to fill her head to the brim with her favorite person?

jinsol rises from her seat and saunters over, planting a firm kiss on sooyoung’s lips. as the two tart fruit flavors mingle, sooyoung relaxes and they smile into each other. 

“when i go in today, i’ll beg haseul to let me work remotely. maybe vivi already told her about you asking for time off, so i won’t have to pull out all the stops.”

still smiling, sooyoung quietly sighs with relief and offers jinsol the bowl of cherries and a small glass dish for the pits. 

three weeks later, sooyoung surprises jinsol with a reservation at the same condo she rented earlier in the year.

“you made it sound nice,” she laughs, “i found the name of the place through our credit card statements.”

jinsol, once lounging on their leather sofa, jolts up, taking on the same color as sooyoung’s cherries. “o-oh! yeah! it was a really… nice place,” she stutters, trying to block out the sudden flashback of jungeun’s greedy hands grazing over her entire body. “you’re gonna love the view.”

“even if the place didn’t have windows i’d love the view.” sooyoung bends at the waist to smooch her wife.

jinsol playfully smacks her with a nearby throw pillow. 

—

they eventually migrate to a quieter spot outside— one where they don’t have to yell to get words across. 

it’s rare for sooyoung to feel this nervous chatting up a stranger. as jiwoo had so kindly reminded her before, it wasn’t rare for to be bringing a new girl home, only for her to never show up again. 

she’d been relying on sex as a de-stressing tactic, so it was natural for her to be able to charm people she didn’t know. towards finals season it’s possible to catch sooyoung with a different girl every night for consecutive weeks. lucky for her, the student body was extensive enough to support her voracious appetite. it wasn’t anything she really had to exert much mental energy on, and, combined with a little bit of physical exertion (not to mention physical  _ pleasure _ ), it became a much needed respite from the demands of academic and extracurricular responsibilities. 

chatting with jinsol, however, feels unlike any other casual party conversation. unnecessarily high amounts of cortisol is causing annoyingly sweaty palms, excessive drinking, and worst of all, saying things that kind of make her sound like an imbecile. the fact that this interaction differs so drastically from all of the other girls sooyoung has wooed is bugging her. immensely.

it’s frustrating to catch herself clinging to jinsol’s words; actually having to make an effort to keep the conversation flowing smoothly. so far she’s been able to reel her in, but she’s having some difficulty setting the hook. the mere fact that there’s a bit more riding on this conversation has given her nerves an unexpected challenge.

performance anxiety was one of those things she thought she left in the past. it was supposed to be gone, a relic of a sooyoung that was weak and ignored by others. for it to come bubbling back up to the surface at  _ now _ of all times is like a smack to the face.

“hello? hellooooo?” head cocked to one side, jinsol waves her hand in front of the zombie she was once conversing with.

sooyoung touches back down to earth, blinking hard as the sounds and sights of the party snap back into her periphery.

“shit. sorry, what were you saying?”

— 

there’s not a cloud in the sky and the air is mild. the scent of the sea tickles their noses. it glitters a bright white through a crack between the buildings, as if taunting them with a beauty just out of reach.

“...and anyways”— the car trunk shuts with a  _ thud _ — “there’s just so many other fish out there you know? people are just so unnecessarily afraid to eat other things! like, c’mon guys, the sea holds  _ so much _ other life!”

“well maybe, since we’re by the ocean, there’ll be some restaurants that’ll serve something out of the box.” 

“or  _ you _ could cook me something out of the box!” jinsol pulls out her signature puppy eyes and eyebrow tilt combo for maximum effect.

“only if you accompany me to the market!” sooyoung fumbles with the key box while balancing her handbag and luggage one one knee. “what was the pin for this thing again?”

“i got it.” putting her bags down, jinsol punches in the digits from the reservation confirmation email and the box opens smoothly.

the condo interior is exactly as jinsol remembers it. warm wood surfaces with a mottled orange tile floor that dances red in the bright sun. a vast sliding glass door leads directly to the beach and they can spot the tiny speck of a sailboat in the distance.

after unpacking their luggage and settling in, they spend the rest of the day along the water, strolling along the toasty sand and darting in and out of the surf. time passes quickly, even though they pretty much do nothing for hour after hour before driving to a nearby market to grab ingredients for dinner.

dinner emerges as a fragrant grilled turbot and garlicky early-season tomato salad— both of which get completely inhaled by jinsol, with no leftovers to pack up. after washing up and tidying the kitchen, they retire to bed to relax. the lingering smells of dinner permeate through the building.

sooyoung breaks the kiss, pulling away to create just enough of a gap to maintain eye-contact. “i’m sorry we haven’t done this in a while,” she advances to jinsoul’s jaw, navigating down to her collarbones. “i’ll make it up to you.” 

“oh... please,” she breathes, combing her fingers through long black strands, “refresh my memory.”

sooyoung progresses, lower and lower, making sure to give full attention to each tender patch of skin previously hidden by silk and buttons— each touch of her lips bringing a lingering warmth.

it’s been so long since they spent time together like this, and the tingling feeling spreading through jinsol’s body generates static in her brain. she shuts her eyes to focus on the physical touch but her thoughts begin to drift.

this time, jungeun breaks into frame, and it’s hard to push her out: hot hands staking claim to anything they can touch, lips that pull and grab, and a primal urgency that leaves no free minute. 

with her brain in the sky and her body on the ground, jinsol climaxes embarrassingly hard. 

a short bout of washing up later, and they’re locked together once again. they cling to each other under the weight of the comforter, sharing body heat, when jinsol’s phone chirps. although they choose to ignore it the first time, it interrupts them three more times in the next five minutes. 

“ugh, hang on lemme see who it is.” annoyed, she tears out of sooyoung’s arms to roll to one side of the bed, reaching for the nightstand and groping around for her phone. 

_ jungeun, 10:47pm: hey _

_ jungeun, 10:48pm: are you free tonight? _

_ jungeun, 10:48pm: my bed is cold  _

_ jungeun, 10:52pm: miss you _

visibly taken aback, jinsol’s eyebrows knit together for a second before she wordlessly flicks the new messages off her lock screen and switches her phone to silent. 

“everything alright?” sooyoung asks from behind, having scooted over to pull jinsol back into her arms.

“oh yeah. it was just a friend of mine,” jinsol responds, wriggling around to face her wife again and looking expectantly for another kiss.

“a friend?” sooyoung probes, “jungeun?” 

“yep.” she doesn’t elaborate.

sooyoung’s not sure what she wants jinsol to tell her, but call it a lawyer’s intuition; something feels a little off kilter. not necessarily bad, but different. she wants to fall back to old habits and dig a little deeper, but she knows from years of trial and error that it’s best not to prod jinsol too much or she’ll get upset. give her enough time though, and she’ll naturally open up.

jinsol steals a peck and scoots away to climb out of bed. “i’m gonna use the bathroom. d’you want any water or anything?”

“nah im good.” sooyoung flips over to face away and involuntarily curls into herself.

jinsol returns, shutting off the lights as she enters the room. sooyoung feigns sleep as she feels an arm creep over and pull her tightly into a warm embrace.

she awakens with a throbbing headache but tries her best to enjoy the morning, hoping it’ll pass before the afternoon.

—

_ sooyoung, 11:38pm: dshiit jiwoo sjhe t hinks im a titall dumbass i fuckde ip _

_ jiwoo, 11:40pm: omg what happened?? and how many drinks have u had?! _

“here, drink this.”

she looks up from her phone, thumbs at the ready to unleash a hailstorm of incoherent text messages. it might be her drunk-person-goggles, but  _ wow _ , the goddess of the sea is here in this dump of a party to bestow her with a crisp bottle of water.

“if you don’t finish the entire thing, i swear to god i will ‘lose’ one or more of your homework assignments this semester.”

sooyoung is too stunned that jinsol didn’t walk away for good earlier and takes the bottle in silence, chugging more than half of it at once. 

“okay, when you’re done with that, you’re coming over to sleep at my place because i don’t trust you to make it home yourself.”

at the sound of this, sooyoung nearly spits out a mouthful of water and chokes out a hoarse “alright.” 

eventually, the two of them make it to jinsol’s apartment, located about a ten minute walk away from her own home. the living room is a bit cluttered with partially used mugs, jackets, and hats left this way and that, but they clear off the couch for sooyoung to sleep on. in contrast to the visual disarray, the flat smells crisp and refreshing. it can’t just be air freshener, right?

she’s dredged into consciousness around 6am feeling like a grape that went to hell and became a crispy raisin, and encounters about 15 unread messages from jiwoo on her phone. 

_ jiwoo, 12:15am: hello? sooyoung??? are u ok?? _

_ jiwoo, 12:33am: did get it?? _

_ jiwoo, 2am: omg did u pass out? _

through squinted eyes and a dull throbbing in her skull, she sifts through mix of concern and amusement. 

_ sooyoung, 6:08am: omw home, tell u what happened later _

sooyoung’s throat constricts at the thought of the tears in the fabric of her memory of last night, honestly not sure she even piece together enough to tell a coherent story. her usual semi-cocky hubris flew out the door over 12 hours ago but a faint scrap of it came clawing its way back. before hauling herself out, she scribbles a quick thank you note and her number on the back of a receipt.

finally back home, sooyoung gulps a sports drink she bought on the way over from jinsol’s and crawls into her own bed. by the time she wakes up, it’s mid-afternoon and she has a couple of new texts from an unknown number.

her roommate’s face contorts into nearly 25 distinct reactions as she recounts bits of the night of the party over a one-pan dinner of dry noodles and a supermarket side dish.

“...and yeah, that’s roughly how i now have a lunch date with jinsol…” sooyoung concludes, trailing off.

“that’s so CUTE!” jiwoo blasts, as she wraps her arms around sooyoung in a bone-crushing hug. “aww big scawwy sooyoungie getting flustered around a hot girl,” she teases. “you’d better pay for her meal since she helped  _ and  _ housed you.”

“of course, of course.” 

“i’m honestly shocked though, that this is gonna be what, like the first time that you see the same girl twice? it’s kinda impressive,” jiwoo says, “this,” she wipes away a fake tear, “character development!” 

“oh shut up!,” sooyoung snaps, ears alight, “i’ve actually gone out with girls before and not _ just _ had one night stands!”

her roommate just starts howling, on the brink of forming real tears this time.

“we can’t  _ all _ be in an epic four and a half year romance at the age of 20, okay!”

the noise dies down, but jiwoo is still giddy. “i’m kidding, i’m kidding,” she rubs sooyoung’s shoulder, “i’m happy for you, and hope this date goes well. this ‘jinsol’ sounds really nice.”

—

their arms are linked together as they wait for a table to free up. after spending most of the day on their feet at a nearby museum and aquarium, they’re ready to dig into dinner.

a bell above the restaurant’s door jingles as a new customer arrives. jinsol turns to see who it is and makes eye contact with— 

“jungeun?”

“oh, fancy seeing  _ you _ here,” she says, greeting jinsol with a touch to the upper arm.

sooyoung tears her eyes from her phone to look over as well. her memory is hazy but this tiny, square-shouldered woman somehow seems vaguely familiar. has she seen this denim jacket before?

“oh uhh, sooyoung, this is jungeun, and jungeun, this is sooyoung.”

the two shake hands. 

“it’s so nice to finally meet you! jinsol has been mentioning your name quite a bit recently. you’re a fashion photographer, right?”

“why yes i am.” she’s cool and collected, and her eyes don’t stray from jinsol’s stiff visage, piercing stare boring a hole. “what else has she said about me?”

“mmm,” sooyoung pauses for a moment, “oh! that you might have celebrity connections?” her eyes twinkle for a moment with hope that this stranger could somehow be one degree away from her idol.

“ah, sorry, i’m not allowed to mention who i work with,” jungeun dodges politely, shaking her head, “company policy.”

“aww, that’s too bad…” sooyoung drifts off, somewhat disappointed, “oh, are you by yourself tonight?” she steals a glance at jinsol, curious as to why she doesn’t seem so relaxed anymore. “why don’t you join us for dinner?”

it takes every ounce of jinsol’s strength to stop herself from going into cardiac arrest, but she steels herself and flags down a waiter to add an additional seat to their party. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading
> 
> hmu @ _jokbal on twitter


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